Let me tell you a little story about how imperfect I am and how good God is. I need to go ahead and thank Maegan Rossow ahead of time for being used by God twice this morning. I'm sitting here in my office able to laugh at this mornings events because she was obedient. Yesterday was just... one of those days. Ya know what I mean? Several irritating things happened throughout the day that really irked my nerves and I just kept hearing my LOUD MENTOR'S VOICE ringing through my ears all day "Choose joy" "Cultivate the Fruit"... Choose joy, cultivate the fruit. You really have to imagine me irritatingly whispering to myself all day to get the full humor of what that looked like from the outside. Then my team did not play to the best of their ability last night, they won, but it was ugly. And yes I'll go ahead and give you a piece of info that men you can skip this line if you get embarrassed easily. I also was met by our monthly friend yesterday so I wasn't just feeling terriffic either. SOOO... needless to say by the end of the day all I wanted to do was go to bed. I went home and immediately went to bed and fell asleep, praying (nope don't even remember falling asleep mid prayer). I was asleep and woke up less than one hour later in quite a bit of pain and was up most of the night not feeling well from cramping and nausea.
So, the next thing I know I hear my phone going off. I grab it and look to see a text message from Maegan asking some very random question. After first glance I then realize that it was 5:30 AM!!!!!! This is an hour past my time to wake up, past time for me to be able to work out, and past time for me to have my morning routine. Instead I had to jump out of bed and begin to get ready to be at school in 30 minutes and also make a stop at the middle school beforehand to pick a couple things up.
Now if you've ever been around me while I felt like I was running late or being rushed you know that my NUMERO UNO pet peeve is feeling late, being late, or my routine getting out of whack. So, my blood pressure immediately rose and I began to get upset with myself. I'm huffing and puffing around the house like a two year old throwing a fit and Maegan texts: I felt like the Holy Spirit told me to text you right then. My response inwardly (she doesn't know this) LORD IF YOU COULD TELL HER TO TEXT ME, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER TO TEXT ME AN HOUR AGO!??!?
Don't judge that's a perfectly logical question :)
As I rushed out the door I was just mad because I didn't have time to read the Word, worship, or pray. In reflection there is some irony in that. I'm mad which contradicts the Spirit because I didn't have time with Jesus. Wow.
Maegan was still texting and I texted her. "I just hate when I don't have Jesus time!" She responds "period + no Jesus = nightmare with coach Tate"
I definitely laughed out loud but also got convicted.
The Lord has dealt with me before about my attitude with being late and my routine. Much to my dismay tardiness is not license for anger or frustration. I wish I could really explain how upset I can get over this. It's that feeling in the pit of your stomach you get when some tragedy happens and yet nothing that bad or life changing happened. Maegan's text message made me realize that well... she's right. My being upset would effect my girls. My attitude would surely be seen and for what reason, because I woke up late and didn't get MY WAY?
The Lord is good. He is patient with me. Though we've been through this time and time again He still disciplines, corrects, and demonstrates His love for me. Do you realize that God is not thrown into an angry and jealous fit of rage when I oversleep and am unable to get into my Word? He's not screaming "Jessika you horrible sinner how come you didn't sing to me this morning?" Yet, that's how I upset I got at myself.
I touched briefly in the last blog that I want to see myself the way God sees me. This morning the Lord wanted me to be like Jesus in the midst of waking up late. All I would have had to do was roll out of bed, thank Maegan for obeying the Holy Spirit, thank the Holy Spirit for waking me up at all (shocker to have appreciation realizing that He didn't have to wake me up at all), apologize to the Lord for being undisciplined this morning, take the time to speak to Him as I was getting dressed and driving in my car... then live my life. Be an example in my joy and love.
I can laugh about it now because I realize how stupid I can act and how slow I have been in learning this lesson. I see how patient Daddy God is with me, though we go through this every time I even FEEL like I'm "late" or "undisciplined". Today I'm thankful for a God who is patient. I'm thankful for a friend who listens to the Holy Spirit.
Be Blessed, J. Tate