Humility will probably be the hardest topic for me to write about. This is definitely one of those I don't want to be "vulnerable" in discussing. Humility is a huge topic for the body of Christ (Read Andrew Murray's book, Humility). My friends have teased me for a statement that has come out of my mouth many times, "God resists the proud and not the prostitute". Throughout scripture we see that God "resists the proud" and yet all I ever saw Him do with the prostitute was pursue them, want them, love them (see the book of Hosea, or Jesus and the woman at well). Pride goes against the very core of who we are as "Christ followers". Jesus, the Son of God, ... well let me just let scripture say it for me. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility of mind consider others as better than yourself, do not look only at your own interests, but also in the interests of others, YOUR ATTITUDE SHOULD BE THE SAME AS CHRIST JESUS, though He was God, He didn't consider equality with God something to be grasped, instead He emptied Himself, took on the nature of a servant, and became the likeness of men, and in the appearance of men HE HUMBLED HIMSELF... (Phil. 2:2-8)

When I reflect on the last 10 years of serving Jesus, my walk in humility is like a roller coaster, perhaps that's why also on the list is consistency, however for another day. I can see times of true humility, times of false humility saying humble things but being prideful, times of deep insecurity while thinking that was humility, times of deep insecurity while acting prideful to cover up insecurity. Once again if we allow emotions to dictate actions, we'll always be a roller coaster.

To be humble is not to be insecure. I have gone around and around this circle in my mind, words, and actions. To be humble is to esteem others as higher than myself, it's to be a servant like my Jesus, but it is not to lose my identity as a child of God, as a CHRISTian. I find that we try to find value based off of man's way of thinking, and this does and will always produce insecurities. We can't live by the Spirit and judge success by worldly systems, they just contradict each other. Yet, I find we often do this. We measure value by how others see us, appreciate us, affirm us, care about us, or love us. We measure success by whatever "gauge" is used in that arena, whether it be how much money we make, how many awards we receive, how many teenagers show up to a youth meeting, or how much we can achieve in such and such amount of time.

And here I am, we are, trying to judge ourselves up against this standard that the Spirit never asked us to adhere to. God wants me to love people, to be a servant to them, but He doesn't want me to decide my value or worth in them. I remember one story in particular that if I think about it too long can still bring tears to my eyes. It was a few years ago and I just remember telling God, BUT SO AND SO DOESN'T LIKE ME, He said, but "I love you, I enjoy you, I want you". "I know God, but still they don't like me, I don't understand what I did, why don't they like me?". He said, "Why is my love not enough?". At that point in my life I was beyond confident that God loved me. I knew He wanted me, BUT I wanted people to want me too. God never asked us to find our value in the love, care, or concern of others. Trying to gauge ourselves by man's way of thinking will always produce insecurity and insecurity, isn't humility.

As I continue to pray through and study what it means to be humble, I'm seeing different parts of my character on both sides of the coin that needs to change. I see insecurities that I've put up with too long and I see places where I truly think that "I'M RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG"! Both are wrong and humility is not an option anymore.

There may be a part 2 humility because in reality I only brushed the surface of this very simple, yet hard subject.

Be Blessed, J. Tate