"There are people here that need you, some are dying and hurting and you just haven't seen the need" .... OUCH.
I sat in our church office across from a woman full of wisdom that has been saved twice as long as I've been alive. She had tears and I had tears as we discussed our love for Jesus among other things.
I love and hate these moments. The moments where I'm able to look at someone way more wise than me and receive some very valuable life changing advice and yet... it stings, no no, it HURTS.
We started off discussing the anointing of God and His presence. Oh how we both love His presence, but loving His presence doesn't automatically equate to walking out of the prayer room being a carrier of His presence. We make the choice when we step out of times of intimacy with Him to remain focused on Him or to begin to look at ourselves and this decision is life changing.
As we talked we began to talk about how God is faithful through hard times and easy times and it's just when we become more aware of ourselves than we are of Him that we make things worse.
She told me the key to the anointing is being more God conscious than self conscious. Immediately as she said it, my sweet, loving, merciful Holy Spirit became a roaring lion on the inside of me. My eyes filled with tears as I looked at her and said, "I haven't done a good job of that lately."
I returned from Congo more aware of His constant presence than I ever have been. In a war torn nation you're constantly asking Holy Spirit to lead you, speak to you, show you, help you, counsel you... and I thought I was trying to do that here, but I let something else creep in instead... self. As I began to have struggles and hardships (which Jesus and Peter tell us we'll have) I began to focus more and more on me. I was focused on the things I was confused about, I was focused on how I didn't understand, I was focused on how I was being attacked, and in the midst of that I lost sight of one of the most important lessons ever. Be more conscious of Him than we are of ourselves.
She held back no correction as she stated plainly to me, "In Congo if God didn't showed up you died, but here if you aren't aware of Him others will die"
I opened my heart some as I told her how I've just felt ineffective in America after so much ministry time in Africa. She shared stories of her time traveling and ministering and then said these words which I think I'll never forget.
"There are people here that need you, some are dying and hurting and you just haven't seen the need"
As I left my encouraging and convicting time there I went and met with a woman recovering from a drug addiction, then I went and sat with a woman who is dying of cancer along with her family and pastor as we know she's living some of the last moments she'll have on this earth, then I went and spent time with a friend who just went through a tough miscarriage. All of these people need the love of Jesus Christ each for different reasons. They need encouragement, Truth, mercy, compassion, Word, hugs, they need the tangible love of Jesus Christ because love looks like something. Today I was reminded how important what I do is. I was reminded why it is imperative that I stay God conscious.
As I sit here reflecting today's events I realize that just because needs here may be quieter sometimes doesn't mean they're any less of a need. I've had to repent, because I became more self conscious than God conscious I wasn't even seeing the needs in front of me. What a good God we serve that He'll patiently take the time for me to open my eyes.