So one of my goals was to blog more this year. We can all see how well that went. Truth be told I’m only writing this now because I’m in the final stages of writing my book and I feel like beating my head up against a wall while I’m trying to finish it. It was this very thought that led me to writing this.
I’m writing a book on overcoming trials. I tell my story of the journey through PTSD and the subsequent journey of healing and learning God took me on. The process of writing this has been difficult. It’s a mixture of emotions to go back and read journals from the lowest moments of your life. Looking into the thought processes of that season stirs so many things in me. Though occasionally my heart aches at the depth of sorrow in those pages, most often I have an extreme gratefulness. I am in awe of how God took someone so broken, so confused, so hopeless, and restored me into who I am today.
After I was healed physically of PTSD I still had a painful journey of healing emotionally ahead of me. A tornado had literally ripped through my life for months leaving everything around me in absolute chaos and destruction. I did not know how to function in my new life. I was still sleeping around 12-15 hours a day as my body was recouping from months of little to no sleep. I felt alone in a new city. Disqualified by the dysfunction that came to the surface in my pain. Weak from the months that the disorder had ravaged my body and mind. It was in this broken condition that He met me.
“Jessika had the enemy had known what I was going to do through this he would not have attacked you in the first place.” It was so similar to the verse in Corinthians that says, “Had the powers of darkness known they would not have crucified the Lamb of glory.”
Can you imagine how much the enemy regrets crucifying Jesus? Now God is telling me that the enemy would regret attacking me? It was an anchor of hope that I latched onto when it did not seem possible at all.
Life will bring difficult seasons. Sometimes it is attack from the enemy, God’s pruning, consequences from our own choices or even just the reality of living in a broken world with broken people. What I’ve learned is that no matter how unstable this life gets, God is an anchor. No matter how painful life can be, God will heal us. And even if the enemy steals, kills, and destroys, God gives, resurrects, and restores.
If I neglect to focus on His nature in my trials then my emotions will begin to lead me, but if I dive into the Word and who He is then I will overcome, not just when the trial is over, but in the midst of it.
I had a theme song after God spoke to me that day. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:
”This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me”
I would play this song on repeat and dig deep into whatever fight I had left. When people told me it would not be wise for me to ever go into war zones again. When people said it would take a few “years” to heal. When those around me didn’t think I would make it out. Step by step, day by day, Jesus brought me out of the pit as I focused on His promise that the enemy would regret what he had done. This season reshaped me. It changed me. This season taught me that there is absolutely nothing that can stop me, but me. It reaffirmed to me that Jesus would take every trial, every pain, every betrayal, every circumstance that the enemy meant to destroy me, He would use to empower me and make me stronger.
Now when trials come, I might feel pain, but I also feel excitement because I know His nature. I know His faithfulness. I know that He is my strength even when I feel weak.
I want to encourage you today. Turn on your fight song. You’re not in this alone. God will heal, restore, redeem. He will make the enemy regret attacking you. Cling to Him in the crazy and watch what He will do. Don’t give up. You can withstand anything with Him.